this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
