Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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