I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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