I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk is not a location!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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