i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
