Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hippo gnu deer
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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