Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
