mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
