Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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