somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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