We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
