dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
