dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
