On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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