Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
