he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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