Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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