Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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