the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
