Just fell off a train. Bad.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
