so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
