Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
