This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
