just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
