I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
