i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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