sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
