How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I looked at my own cervix.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
