Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
