I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if only i could text you this smell
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
