but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bring money and cleavage
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
