I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
