found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
foreskin is a definite game changer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Send help, water and tortillas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
