He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
