I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
