tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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