Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
