I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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