I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
