Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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