remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
