it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
