I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
