you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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