It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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