Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
