He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
