His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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