Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
