ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
